When Forgiving Is Not Easy

I don't know about you, but I find that forgiving people takes God in my life. I need His help in order for me to forgive. I don't know what I'd do without Him if I didn't have Him in my life. As it is, it takes me a couple of days to recover from someone who has done something that hurt me. I don't know, maybe I'm just extra sensitive or I still yet to understand the American culture. Or sometimes I think I overanalyze things and the person's motive; which again I think is because of the cultural differences.


I came to America when I was thirteen years old and it took me a long time to get used to people being "sarcastic" or "witty" and being married many years later to learn from my own husband how to be sarcastic or "witty" myself. (Thank God he has such a good heart that he never uses sarcasm to hurt me.) But he can be very "witty" and "funny" and I've picked it up along the way. We've have had many a laughs because of it. Which I've also found out for the most part is "not convenient" at all, as apostle Paul would describe it. There are things that are "lawful" but they are most certainly "not convenient". And sarcasm is one of them. Put it the way you want to put it, even to the expense of having people laugh, but at the end of the day if someone is hurt, you're not doing what is "convenient". It might be lawful, but definitely not convenient. And definitely, not Christ-like.


So that's what I struggle with. My husband tells me all the time, "Stop analyzing the motive behind it; you're never going to fully know it."


Times like these, I just do the next best thing I know - turn to Christ: the author and the finisher of my faith. Whether I know the person intentionally hurt me or not, but I hurt nevertheless, I know for myself I cannot retaliate. Let God do that part; but for my part, let His love shines through.


Is it easy? Of course not. That's why I turn to Him because for myself I'd have burned the bridge(s) long time ago - and have done it too without hesitation - and know, will do it again - but with Him, I can find His wisdom, His comfort, and the courage and strength to deal with the same person who took offense in me and hurt me back. With Him, I can forgive and forget, the pain and the sin done against me.


Whenever I struggle in letting go of the hurt and the endless diatribe I go through in my head trying to analyze what I've done wrong to cause the person to say or do what they said and done to me; or to justify myself that I didn't do anything wrong; or the wish that they would disappear from my life; I just go and talk to the Lord about it. And most of the time He tells me, of course, to Forgive - and then He tells me to "Let it go…Move on…" He reminds me of what apostle Paul said in Philippians 3:13-14:


"Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."

Forgetting is so key in forgiving. Otherwise you have not fully forgiven. I've found you can "forget" and "let it go" when you have the Lord helping you. You might not "forget" as in having an amnesia about it, but you can move on, and forget it. You don't need to harp on it and reanalyze your motive and their motives and what you said and what she said. It will be an un-ending cycle. Whether they're the ones that did us wrong or we're embarrassed about what we said or done - move on! 

Forgive, forget, and move on!

I am also trying to accept, which you would think at this age I would have accepted already, what Jesus had said to His disciples:


"Woe unto the world because of offenses! For it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!" {Matthew 18:17}




Basically saying, Woe unto the world because there are offenses that come…Because they do come… And that's the thing I have to accept that offenses will come whether I like it or not. It is part of the world I live in. I get offended because they did or said something unkind or others will get offended at me because I did the same thing. Whether I meant it or not to be unkind, doesn't matter; they took it wrong. As I took it wrong. I think actually a lot of offenses come because people take things wrong. Whether because we didn't understand where the person is coming from or we're a product of our upbringing; it doesn't matter. Offenses will come.




So, what do you do?




Take it to the Lord. Talk to Him about it. There is nothing we can hide from Him so we might as well talk to Him and tell Him exactly how we feel about it. The more we practice taking things to Him - by talking to Him - the easier it will get. I've learned to fume and rant to God about my offenses and tell God how angry I am. It helps me calm down. I've actually found Him counseling me as I rant and rave to Him. And when I've calmed down I've learned to ask Him too to show me what I did wrong and asked Him to help me accept it if it was me that was wrong. That is often my issue in this life. I hate being wrong. It's hard to swallow one's pride and say, "Gulp, I guess, it is really me that made a mistake; not the other way around." 




It's not easy. You can "block" God to keep Him away from showing you the truth, or you could be brave about it. It's not always easy to be brave. But I've surprisingly enough found on few occasion when I do, and say, "Please give me courage to see truth - what did I do wrong?"; He has a few times shown me, "You didn't do anything wrong." From there I can breathe a sigh of relief. If I had not asked I could also deceive myself to think I've done something wrong when I have not.




He knows all things; and He knows how to comfort us. And when He has comforted us we could ask for His grace and forgiveness upon our own foolishness and for the sin of the other person. I do ask for their forgiveness from the Lord - to forgive them too - as I forgive them. I want the Lord to forgive them; as He had said to God when He hanged on the cross and as Stephen did when he was unjustly being stoned to death. And that doesn't come naturally. That only comes after the Lord has showered me with His love and His truth. Because I want the same thing done to me. I also ask for more of His Holy Spirit upon my life and in their lives. The more we both have the Lord, the better it is for both of us. Our relationship hopefully will become better because we have more of Him and less of ourselves.