God Saves....Not Me!

Here's one I had written last year....

Friday, May 06, 2011

7:21:38 PM

65˚

Little York Pattenburg Rd

I feel very empty right now and yet somehow I still haven’t forgotten that God has a purpose for me….that somehow I know and believe that it’s just a matter of time before He brings me the work I’m supposed to be doing in this life.

What’s the point of living in this life if I’m going to just live it for myself? Anyway, that question has long been answered anyway. I’m not here to just exist or aspire for earthly happiness. Earthly happiness are too fragile. Too precious and too fleeting. And many times too shallow. Earthly happiness is always after material things or people or prestige. And all of the above do not satisfy. Material things do not satisfy. Before you know it something better has come and you have to buy that something new and the thing you’ve coveted for months or years to purchase takes the back burner even if there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. A fad could come in and out and before you know it you’re burning your dollars away just so you can feel that you’re a part of the “fad” and is not breaking the “fad” rule. And then there the misery of loving people and looking to them for happiness. It is completely impossible for someone to be responsible for your happiness and yet left and right people latch on to people to make them happy and they’re so broken when that person rejects them. And lastly, prestige. Many people will go to extremes to change their hearts and behavior to climb the prestige ladder. Their faces will harden, their hearts will harden and their souls harden just so they could be called boss or supervisor or rich or famous. Again, another false way of attaining happiness. Whoever came up with all these “gods” should be locked up because it seems such an epidemic with people from day one. The minute you’re born your parents is talking about you getting somewhere, looking and acting better than other people and pushing you to be prestigious, rich and famous. And for what? Supposedly so that you will become happy. But when you’ve lived your life long enough you realize that there’s a soul in your body that cannot be satisfied by these false happiness your parents said to pursue after. You realized that something deep within your soul reaches for something only unseen happiness can satisfy. And so depending on who you are you can either pursue that unseen happiness or continue to live in the miserable state you’re in trying to get used to your false happiness. There sure are a lot of rich, famous, and prestigious people unhappy. And yet from day one they tell you if you get to good school, get a great job, make a lot of money, everything will be fine.

I used to think this way. But now, who cares? Who cares about money, prestige and fame when my soul longs for something unseen? Something that I don’t even know. Something that I know only God can fill. And unless I throw away all these expectations and ambitions I have of the earthly happiness I will never get that unseen happiness that only God can bring. What’s the use of food, clothing and shelter when you heart and soul are gnawing inside of you it makes you want to die instead? Or wish everything you know is all over? What’s the use indeed – for man cannot live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God?

I have a dream. A happiness pursuit that only God can bring. And I will mean for Him to bring it to me. I will desire it with all of my heart and soul – and do desire it even now – that it will come to pass. As in time passed when I dreamed and longed for something so badly that they have come to passed. I dream this again. And not maybe someday it will come to pass, but it will come to pass. It will.

God will use me to tell others about Him. He will use me to be an avenue to let others know Him themselves. And not only that, this is the dream part, it will feel natural. It will not be an effort. See – that is the dream part that will come to pass and I decree to come to pass. It will not be an effort. It will be easy. Oh, sure, there will be an effort. But God will be leading me and showing me every step of the way that it will feel effortless. And then, they just will come. They will come to me to tell them about Jesus. I will tell them about Him and what I know about Him. They will accept Him. He will come to their hearts and soul and talk to them and be their Lord too. And I move on. My purpose is done. That’s it. That’s the dream. People coming to know God and I have something to do with it. Yes, that seems like an egotistical thing to say but there you go – if there’s any ambition or pride or call it whatever you can negatively call it, my desire or wish is that I could be a reason someone came to know the Lord. I want to be that someone God used for another person to know Him.

I don’t care about people loving me. I don’t care about them coming after me. I don’t want that. I don’t want them to come to me or love me. I want them to know God for themselves and that’s it. I don’t want people to think I’m anybody special. The only thing that will make me special in the process is seeing others come to receive Him and He reveals Himself to them and makes a habitation in their hearts. When God uses me to say what I need to say that’s when I will feel special. When people say, “You have helped me come to know God and know Him for myself” then that is what will make me feel special. But if they come and latch on to me and become a burden and look to me to help them as if I can bring answers to their problems, then no, they’re not making me feel special. They are in every way making me feel burdened and I will cringe every time I see them or hear from them. I will not like them at all. And I will  pray that God will take them out of my life because I have no desire to carry people. I have no desire to flatter people or be their savior. I know my limitations. I know my shortcomings. I know my faults. I have too much of them. I have enough to carry without people having to add to my own burdens.

It is easier now. It is possible. I used to think, “God! How will I ever bring people to you?!” It just felt so hard. But now the vision is clearer. I don’t do anything at all. Do I think I can turn people to come to believe me who God is and would want Him? Ha! That’s why it’s impossible because I’m so limited. Other people may have the gift of gab and be so convincing and so smart that they can persuade people. But I know myself. I can’t do it. That’s why it is impossible. God is the one that draws people! I see this so clearly. So wonderfully.  I see now what I need to do. All I have to do is pray that the Lord will draw them. And when the right moment comes, God will place the desire in my heart to talk about Him and that person will be more than happy to hear about Him. I don’t have to go and preach to them Acts 2:38 and beat that scripture on their heads. If God wants them to get baptized and get the Holy Ghost, He either will place the desire in my heart to tell them or as in process of time they hunger more for Him, they will ask what further things they need to do. Besides, they can very well read it for themselves in the Bible. God can very lead them to do it. I don’t have to worry. I don’t have to feel responsible for their souls. God is responsible for their souls. My only responsibility is to know what God wills in my life. What He desires for me to do.

God does the changes. All a person needs to do is ask with their mouth Christ in their hearts and He will do the dealing. It’s all see easy to me now. I don’t do the saving, God does. I don’t do the changing, God does. If He wants to save a person no devil in hell or human on earth can get in His way. God will save them.